In a recent General Conference talk, President Russell M. Nelson talked about what the word "repent" means. He said:
The word for repentance in the Greek New Testament is metanoeo. The prefix meta- means “change.” The suffix -noeo is related to Greek words that mean 'mind,' 'knowledge,' 'spirit,' and 'breath.'
Thus, when Jesus asks you and me to 'repent,' He is inviting us to change our mind, our knowledge, our spirit—even the way we breathe. He is asking us to change the way we love, think, serve, spend our time, treat our wives, teach our children, and even care for our bodies. -April 2019,Priesthood Session
Repentance is a complete change. Making those kinds of deep
changes is difficult. I've discovered that how we approach repentance makes a
big difference. When I add structure and daily accountability to my repentance
process, I feel like I am progressing faster because I can begin to measure how
I am improving. This kind of approach is one way to act on President Nelson's invitation to repent daily.
One way of implementing systematic change is
the system taught in nearly all of the programs offered by Life ChangingServices. This is the PoWeR goal system. Even if you don't care for this particular system, the principles of
goal setting, daily action, and accountability will be very helpful in taking a more intentional approach to repentance. For another example of how to add structure to repentance, read or watch "Becoming like Him" by Elder Scott Whiting of the Quorum of the Seventy from the October 2020 General Conference. The system he discusses is different in many ways from what we are about to explore together, but he recommends many of the same principles and describes how helpful it is to approach repentance and change this way. As you read what Elder Whiting says, pay attention to the ways he encourages you to practice accountability with yourself and notice the different words he uses to describe the kinds of effort needed to see progress and self-improvement.
This system is known as PoWeR goals. It is a set of 6 goals you
work on every single day to help yourself improve. The objective is to get more
than 28 days in a row where you accomplish all 6 goals every single day. You have to start over at Day 0 if you miss even one goal. If you can successfully reach 28 days and beyond where you complete all 6 goals, then each of those goals should be well on its way to becoming a deeply ingrained habit. These new healthier habits are evidence of your progress and repentance. We use the acronyms MAN PWR
and GRL PWR to guide the goal-setting process.
There are a few tricks to setting excellent PoWeR goals. The first
is about balance. If you are anything like me you want to progress quickly so
you might set 4 difficult goals that will stretch you and 2 simple goals that
support you. Then after trying for a week or two but never getting more than 3
complete PoWeR days in a row you give up and think the system is stupid and
doesn't work. It's important to
remember you are trying to do 6 goals. Even doing 6 very simple goals each day
is difficult. Because of that, I recommend that you only have 1, maybe 2, goals
that stretch you and the other 4 or 5 support you. These supporting goals should be so simple that you could almost do them by accident. You should still be intentional about them, but if they are not this simple at the beginning, then it is really hard to get the momentum needed to make lasting change.
That leads to the second trick for succeeding with PoWeR goals,
start where you are. That sounds cliche but it's also how you design goals that
work. Take what you are already doing and stretch it just a little bit. Let's
use scripture reading as an example. Many people encourage you to
spend at least 30 minutes a day studying the word of God. I think that is an
excellent goal if you are already consistently reading for extended periods of
time. But if I'm working with somebody who has that as their goal even though
they have barely read any scriptures in the last month, warning flags go up and odds are very high
they will not accomplish this goal. If someone usually doesn't even open the
scriptures, then stretching them just a little means getting them to open the
book daily. In that situation, we often set a goal like, "read at least 5
verses every day." Sometimes it's even more rudimentary than that. The key
is to honestly identify what you are already doing, then figure out how to
stretch it just a little bit.
Another helpful trick is to set very detailed goals. The more
defined they are, the easier it is to accomplish the goals. You can apply the
whole SMART goal acronym if you're familiar with it. If you're not, the idea is to clarify what counts and what doesn't. In other words, how will you
know when you have, without question, completed this goal? An example may help.
Many people set a goal to serve others daily. But that is so broad that smiling
at a stranger in the grocery store would count. While that is a good thing to
do, you are capable of much more. When you specify something like "pick up and
throw away 5 pieces of litter on my morning walk" you don't have to think
back on the day and try to remember if you served, you can know with confidence
whether or not you got all 5 pieces of trash and disposed of them.
A final trick, keep a record of your progress and success. I call this a calendar and I explain how powerful it is in another article (you can find it here). All I will say here is that this kind of calendar-keeping is like a brazen serpent of self-mastery. You remember the story from the Old Testament where the children of Israel are plagued with venomous snakes as they are wandering in the wilderness. The solution God gave them was to have Moses sculpt a serpent out of bronze and mount it on a tall pole. Anyone who was bitten by a snake only had to look upon the sculpture to be healed. Many thought it was too simple a task and died because they would not look. Many people do not mark their calendars because they do not see how it could help them improve. These people don't practice the daily accountability of calendar-keeping and they almost always take much longer to figure out how to make meaningful progress than those who faithfully mark their calendar daily.
The systems of MAN PWR and GRL PWR help add structure by
identifying 6 themes that you can set goals within. What I will share here is
only one version of these acronyms, but I think it is the simplest place to start. As you gain momentum and experience you can explore other versions of these acronyms that are also very helpful
M stands for "minister" and G is for "give."
These are both about discerning and meeting the needs of others. Many
teenagers ask their parents what they would like done, and then they choose
something off of the list they made to work on each day. Others I know
choose to index names for Family Search for a set amount of time. I knew
one young man who made lunch for his younger sister every single day (she ate a
lot of PB&J). The idea is to find a need and meet it. As was
said previously, this goal should be specific enough that it is very clear
whether or not you completed it at the end of the day.
A stands for "action" and this R is for "run."
These are all about using your body in productive ways, which often includes
exercise or Flagpole drills (you can read an article about Flagpoles here), but
can be other things. Because doing something physically strenuous that raises
your heart rate is one of the quickest ways to kill temptation, I often
recommend that this goal focuses on Flagpoles and similar activities. But if you
are already doing those things as part of your Border Patrol and don't feel the
added accountability of making it a PoWeR goal would be helpful, you can choose
something else. For many people, practicing their preferred sport, art, or
instrument make meaningful and beneficial goals.
N stands for "no" and L is for "limit." Both
of these focus on controlling our "natural man" (Mosiah 3:19) behaviors. This is
something that you want to change or remove from yourself. The other 5 goals
focus on adding improved behaviors. This goal is about removing and replacing
behaviors that hold you back or are undesired. Some of the people I work with
struggle with addiction, so this goal is all about practicing sobriety.
Others focus on removing bad habits or behavior patterns they are displeased
with. Here are a few examples: no technology in private places (bathroom,
bedroom, etc); stop biting my nails; I will not lose my temper with my child
and use "unnecessary roughness" to complete the task (diaper change,
bath, brushing teeth, etc); I will limit my use of social media and video games
until after daily tasks (homework, chores, errands, etc) are done.
For both MAN PWR and GRL PWR the PWR goals are the same.
P stands for "prayer." This is one of the goals where we
really want to take what you're already doing and stretch it a little bit. For
example, many of the people I work with only have one routine prayer a day, so
they set their goal to include a second routine prayer each day.
W stands for "write." This is much more than note-taking
or journaling. This kind of writing is meant to be deep, thoughtful, and
intentional. It is supposed to be a meaningful form of
accountability. It should facilitate pondering, meditation, and
revelation. I have written articles about the most common types of writing where you can learn more about how they work and how they will benefit you (Letter to God, Letter to Future Spouse, and the Discernment Journal are described in the second-to-last paragraph of this article).
R stands for “read.” By that I mean, reading inspired
literature such as the Bible, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, Pearl of
Great Price, the Liahona and Strength of Youth magazines, General Conference
talks, etc. This is another goal where we want to take what you're
already doing and stretch it a little bit. For many of the people I work
with, that means choosing a specific amount to read, whether that is measured in the number of minutes, pages, or verses.
It is important to keep in mind that these are goals that must be
done every single day. That includes Sundays. You must take into consideration
what you will and won't be comfortable doing on the Sabbath. For example, if
your Minister/Give goal is focused on serving those at school or work then you
will need to build in an alternative for the weekends. An even more common
example is that people will set an Action/Run goal which is an exercise routine
or workout they are not comfortable doing on the Sabbath. So they build in an
alternative. One alternative that I often recommend is practicing your
instrument or art. For example, I had an exercise-focused Action goal that I
did Monday through Saturday then I would practice my ukulele on Sunday. I
worked with a guy who had a similar Action goal for 6 days of the week, but on
Sunday he practiced developing his photography skills.
As you set and pursue your PoWeR goals it is important to
understand that your goals will change. There is a fine-tuning process to get
your goals where they need to be so that they can really help you improve.
Remember, that is their purpose, to help you make progress on your quest for
self-mastery and repentance. So if you have 14 days in a row of completing all
6 goals and discover that they aren't meeting your needs, then change them. You
won't lose your 14 days and have to start over when your goals change. I
know someone who reached over 720 days in a row of completing his MAN PWR, and
his goals shifted throughout that time. You only reset to day 0 if you miss and
don't complete one of your goals. That being said, you shouldn't change your
goals just because you don't feel like putting in the effort to get them done
that day. Make adjustments to your goals in wisdom and when you are at a Level 0 on the Chemical Scale. If you're up against a wall and realize you won't
complete your goals that day, but reasonably could have if you'd been wiser
with your time, it is more helpful in the long run to take the loss and learn
from it.
Repenting, and changing, is an essential part of our personal
improvement. When viewed as just trying to stop something bad or start doing
something good it can feel overwhelming and be incredibly difficult to do. When
we take a structured approach to repentance we can make our process of
improving a little simpler, a little more manageable, and a little faster. Some
PoWeR goals still take months to accomplish. Some goals might take longer and
can be "practice goals" that we try to achieve but allow ourselves
more grace knowing this one will take more time, more maturing, and more growth
than our other goals. But with a system to support our change, repentance can
happen and it can be a delight.
If you'd like me to be your coach and help you put these principles into action, click this link to schedule a time to meet. onidah.youcanbook.me
