Campfires and Reasons for Fighting

How skilled are you at building a campfire? In my days as a

Boy Scout we would sometimes have competitions to build what we called "A One-Match Fire." We would race to build a fire so well that it only took one match to set the whole thing ablaze. In order to build a One-Match Fire we would spend most of our attention arranging the tinder and kindling, the stuff as thick as pine needles or pencils. After that was properly arranged we would quickly place the twigs, branches, and small logs. After the fire was lit and had been burning for a while we would add the large logs that would help the fire burn for a very long time.

In my work as a life coach, I've discovered that creating motivation and developing excellent, personal reasons for fighting are a lot like building a campfire. You've got your tinder which are things that matter right now or have a deadline in a few days. You're kindling size reasons are relevant or have a deadline in a week or two. Twigs and small branches are relevant in the next four to six weeks.  The logs are further off in the future, some stretching out into eternity. Normally, the reasons for fighting that people share are the large logs. These are what bishops and parents care about the most. These are the most impressive and seem most important. The large logs are things like serving a mission, getting married in the temple, going to the Celestial kingdom, being exalted, etc.

Have you ever tried to light a log on fire using just a match? It doesn't work. You can try over and over again, but all you'll get is singed bark and burnt fingers. Even if you douse the log in gasoline and throw a match on it, it won't really light. The gas burns off really hot and fast, leaving a log that might be slightly singed if you're lucky. The same is true with reasons for fighting. If you try to start your fire with large logs like missions, temple marriage, and exaltation, you'll almost certainly have dead matches and a cold fire.  These logs are essential for long term success, but you cannot start a very good fire with them. They become the primary fuel source once a healthy blaze is going.

In other words, when a fire is just getting started there are many more small pieces of wood than large logs. After a fire has been burning for a while it is mostly made from logs and has very few smaller pieces of wood.

Consider what short term reasons and motivators you can come up with.  Think of things with clear deadlines within the next 6 weeks or less.

If that is difficult for you to find these short-term reasons for fighting, it may help to answer the question, "If you lost today, how would that impact you tomorrow?" Your list might include feelings you'll have, people who you'll tell or will somehow know, or other things.

Then you can expand on those things by answering, "If you lost today, how would that impact you next week?" For many young men, answers include participation in the sacrament, interactions with girls, impacts on school work, and more.

From there you can explore how a loss will impact you in two weeks, or a month. The more you are willing to look and discern, the more ways you will find it impacts you.

After considering these questions you should

be able to find many short term reasons for fighting. It is helpful to keep these in your thoughts, and have a countdown to significant events. For example, I encourage young men to meet with their Bishop to discuss when they will be eligible to attend the temple or participate in the sacrament. After a certain period of sobriety is decided on, I ask young men to set a target date when they want to be able to enter the temple or participate in the sacrament. Then I have them count down. If they lose, that number resets. By doing this they see some of the immediate repercussions of a loss, but the longer they win the more motivated they are to fight because that number gets smaller. They can even make an advent calendar of sorts. They can cross off days on a calendar, tear links off a paper chain, or do something else that reminds them what they are fighting for and how close they are.

One of the quickest ways to develop personally meaningful reasons for fighting is to write them down everyday. Three times a day is better. There is something about the process of putting pen to paper that grounds us, helps us to consider things more deeply and more meaningfully. We involve both mind and body, which makes it easier to remember those reasons for fighting.

Ultimately, every warrior needs to develop a unique set of reasons for fighting that are personally meaningful to them. You cannot have long term success without them, if you manage to get any success at all. However, this set of reasons develops over time. It must start in the present, and as the fire of motivation grows you can add larger pieces of fuel that stretch further off into the future. Eventually you will have a roaring blaze built from both short and long term reasons for fighting. So long as you continue to stoke the fire by reviewing old reasons for fighting and adding new ones, the large blaze within you will not die out and you will have the ability to fight for years to come.

To hire me as your life coach where we can create a plan to put the above principles into practice for you, follow this link.  Fighting Like a Dragon - Life Coaching