Flagpoles: go to your safe place

Do you remember doing fire drills in elementary school? The teacher would announce the drill ahead of time. Later, when the alarm went off, all the children would line up behind the teacher giggling to each other as they followed her outside to the designated safe gathering place. Maybe that safe place was the parking lot, the soccer field, or the flagpole.

The purpose of the fire drill was to train the children how to behave and what to do if there ever was a real fire. Perhaps you had an experience like me where there was a small cooking fire in the cafeteria and you actually had to use what you practiced. In my 5th grade brain, I was surprised at how well the drills had prepared everyone. Even though we were all surprised by the noise, we all acted calmly and did exactly what we were supposed to do.

The purpose of a flagpole, in regards to addiction recovery and self-mastery, is the same as a fire drill in elementary school. You practice getting out of a dangerous situation and going somewhere safe. A flagpole in this sense is a physical location that you run to where you will be safe from the danger of your daily battles. The best flagpoles are places outside your house that you run to when under attack. These places should be far enough away that it raises your heart rate to run there, but not so far away that the round trip takes more than five to ten minutes. The flagpole is useful whether the battle is with addiction or some other part of your value system. It is a place where you know you won't lose.

The aspect of running to your flagpole is important. Leisurely walk there gets you out of the vulnerable situation, but it doesn't remove the deviant chemicals in your system. In other words, you removed yourself from the battle but not the battle from your heart. The act of running, of raising your heart rate, of doing something physically strenuous, is one of the quickest ways to win your battles. If you don't raise your heart rate, you're postponing the battle not winning it.

An excellent way to "level up" your Flagpole and increase its power is to include Warrior Chemistry in it.  One way to do this is to imagine a loved one who needs your protection at your Flagpole.

Once you choose what or where your flagpole will be, it is crucial that you practice, or drill, running to it at least once a day until it becomes instinctual to go there when you are being attacked. The more times you drill running to your flagpole, the easier it will be for you to win. The people I know who benefit most from their Flagpoles run to it at least three times a day, whether they are being attacked or not.

Running to your physical flagpole is almost always best, but sometimes that isn't possible or appropriate. Perhaps you are at a business meeting, in a class, at church, or stuck in traffic. That is when it would be appropriate to use a mobile flagpole.

These mobile tactics work better against less intense battles and may need to be repeated several times for more intense battles. One of the most common mobile flagpoles is push-ups. If you can't do push-ups, there are other things you can do while driving or seated. One of the more effective mobile Flagpoles is known as a Thought Shield. A Thought Shield is a picture or note you carry with you that is both meaningful to you and helps bring you back to a good place. Many people use a favorite picture of Jesus Christ, a note card with their reasons for fighting or a scripture they are memorizing, or perhaps a picture of their family. You carry this item with you at all times, and when you are tempted you pull it out, look at it, and say "This is my Thought Shield." When used correctly, a Thought Shield trains your brain to automatically reroute thoughts of temptation to thoughts of your Savior.

There are other things that are helpful, though they are rarely as effective as a real Flagpole or Thought Shield. These often come in the form of personal quirks and reminders. I squeeze my wedding ring between my fingers. I know other guys who shake their head, snap their fingers, squeeze their fingernails into their palms, or other things like that. They can be good grounding techniques that will keep you safe enough until you are able to run a real Flagpole.

In our spiritual war against Satan and sin, almost every battle we lose involves a misuse of our body. Since that is the case it would make sense that we need to use our body to win. One of the quickest and most effective ways to do that is by sprinting to your Flagpole, your safe place.

To hire me as your life coach where we can create a plan to put the above principles into practice for you, follow this link.  Fighting Like a Dragon - Life Coaching

Learning from Failure: how to do a lost battle analysis

Q5: When you lost, what technique did the enemy use to defeat you? Is there a pattern? If you could replay the event, what could you have done to beat him? What drills can you do to make sure you win next time he tries something similar?

For a moment, take the perspective of your Adversary. Why would it be to your advantage if your victim forgot how you defeated them? Likewise, how could you benefit by getting them to focus on feelings of shame, self-pity, disappointment, and similar things instead of on the strategies you used to beat them?

We all have daily battles with temptation.  Some of those battles may include habits and addiction.  Other battles may be smaller parts of our value system such as, "I value reducing the amount of sugar I eat" or perhaps, "I value showing respect to the elderly."  Whether the conflicts are large or small, Satan frequently works to get the people he has beaten in battle to forget how he defeated them.  That allows him to use the same strategy against them over and over again.  When they do think about the recent loss, he tries to get them to focus on feelings of shame and failure so that they never actually learn from their experience.  By using one of the questions from the Captain’s Log in the book Like Dragons Did They Fight, you can learn from your losses and avoid much of the shame that Satan works to hit you with.

What technique did the enemy use to defeat you? Notice that the first part of the Q5 focuses on technique, not failure. The question isn't "Why did you mess up? What did you do wrong?" Instead the question focuses on how a brilliant and skilled opponent outwitted you. Figuring out what you did wrong, frankly, isn't very helpful. However, figuring out the tactic of your adversary is. Once you understand the strategy, it is a lot easier to defeat in its various reincarnations.

Is there a pattern? There is very frequently a pattern to the way Satan attacks. If a tactic worked before then he'll almost certainly use it again. There are several things you can look for to try to identify patterns. Look for a common time of day. Are you typically attacked closer to when you wake up, go to sleep, or somewhere in between? Is there a common location you are attacked at? A particular room in the house or place at work or school? Is there a common strategy?

Chemical Scale- Many people have a hard time remembering the details of their lost battles. It is very insightful to plot what they do remember from the battle on the Chemical Scale. By working backwards on the scale, you will find cues that help you remember important details that would be difficult to recall otherwise. You can follow this link here for a more detailed dive into the Chemical Scale than what we will do here.

It may be helpful to think of the chemical scale as one of those large coin donation funnels that you see at malls and museums. You place the coin on the little ramp, then let it roll around the large plastic funnel. At first the coin stays near the top, making large circuits that are relatively slow. The coin gradually rolls further in, moving faster and faster. Eventually the coin is completely horizontal, moving so fast around the small throat at the bottom of the funnel that it blurs into what looks like a ring instead of a coin. Then, the coin drops out of sight and with a small "clink" is out of your possession for good.

The Level 10 is "The Crash" or when the battle is lost. Using the coin funnel analogy, this is when the coin falls inside and is now beyond your reach. Up to this point you could lean in and snatched the coin back if you are fast enough, but now the coin/battle is gone and all you can do is learn from the past and prepare for the future.

At what point was the battle actually lost? At what point was it too late to turn things around, too late to snatch the coin out of the funnel?

In Levels 6 through 9 there isn't much to talk about. Your coin is over halfway into the funnel and rapidly spinning out of control.

Your Level 5 "Forget it!" moment is when you stop caring, stop trying, and throw in the towel. You haven't actually lost yet, but you've stopped fighting. This is when your coin tips past the halfway point and really begins to pick up speed. What was your "Forget it!" moment like for you?

Level 4 is the Irrational Conversation where you seem to be debating with yourself about losing. One voice is trying to talk you out of it, while another voice is telling you it's not a big deal, that you won't "go all the way" this time. What did your Level 4 sound like? How long did it last?

Level 3, the "Dude!" Moment, is the first time that the temptation to do something against your value system enters your thoughts. What did it sound like? How many of these did you get before it turned into the Irrational Conversation?

Level 2 is the Unedifying Emotion that you wanted relief from. This is what made the "Dude!" Moment even seem like an idea worth considering. What emotional experiences were you having? How long had they been going on before they turned to Level 3?

The Chemical Drip at Level 1 is the first time you felt a little off, a little less motivated, or similar sensations. What was that like and when did it happen?

Level 0 is the point where you are in complete control of yourself. Using the coin donation analogy, your coin is still in your hand and hasn't even touched the ramp at the top of the funnel. Before this battle, when was the last time you can remember being "Zeroed Out," where you were in full control and in communication with the Holy Ghost? Does it surprise you how much, or how little, time you spent at a 1 or 2 before Satan hit you with the rest of the battle?

Identifying lies- There are at least three places in scripture where Satan is called the "father of all lies." In nearly all lost battles there are lies that he persuades us to believe. There are more noticeable lies, like the stuff you hear at Level 4, and very subtle lies, like the things you can hear at Levels 1 and 2. Sometimes these are ways he persuades us to limit our power, in other words limiting beliefs.  For example, Satan may persuade you to believe that you are too tired to do what needs to be done. He is getting you to limit your capacity by making you believe you are more tired than you actually are.  What were the lies you fell for in this most recent loss? What are the truths?

If you could replay the event, what could you have done to beat him? This is the point where you analyze what you could have done differently.  Answering this question after analyzing everything else helps you be more aware of what you can do differently next time. If the previous parts of the Q5 have gone well answering this question will not bring any shame, only insight and understanding.

What drills can you do to make sure you win next time he tries something similar? Satan will likely use the same technique again under different circumstances.  What strategies and tools will you put in place?  How will you drill and practice?  This is perhaps the most important part of doing a Lost Battle Analysis, planning how you will win in the future.

When you begin to have more success in your battles, it is also instructive to analyze any “close-calls” or “near misses” where you just manage to win.  By walking through the same process with these close-calls, you can determine how to strengthen your Border Patrol before you have a real lost battle.  The only thing that changes is how the questions are phrased.

In scripture and in General Conference talks, there are many references to the principle of learning by our own experiences. Your lost battles and close-calls are crucial parts of your experience. You can learn more about how to improve and progress in your goals by analyzing your lost battles than from most any other resource. Following the outline of a Q5 is an excellent way to help you learn from your own experience what you need to do to improve and become more perfect in winning your personal battles.

To hire me as your life coach where we can create a plan to put the above principles into practice for you, follow this link.  Fighting Like a Dragon - Life Coaching